He didn't want to go
by Ilse17
Summary: Set just after The End of Time. What if Tentoo could have felt what had happened to his full Timelord double ? How would he react and how would Rose ?


When The Doctor sat up in their bed, on that particular night, Rose woke up immedialtely. She had developped some kind of sixth sense.

Her Doctor had perfectly adapted to his human life, and he often said that it was no wonder, for his current incarnation had always been so very human. For him, it was because she had been at his side when he had changed into it. In spite of the fact that he had no real control over his incarnations, her prensence and his love for her had somehow influenced what he had become.

In their paralel universes, with Pete, Jackie, Tony and many new friends, they had indeed a very happy life. But his sleep, sometimes, wasn't that serene. Her half-human Doctor had the memories of all his previous and current full Time-Lord incarnations. Which meant all their nightmares.

This time though, there was no sign of his usual fight againt the uncontrollable panting and shivering that came with these irruptions of his painful past. In the dim light coming through the window, Rose could see him staring in front of him with unblinking eyes.

"Doctor ?" she whispered, in sudden alarm.

"He's gone", said the Doctor quietly.

"Who, my love ?", she asked, fearing that she already knew the answer.

"Me. The other me. He's just regenerated… after preventing Rassilon from ending Time and destroying the Universe".

"How can you know that ?", asked Rose softly, not sure that it wasn't another and unusual nightmare.

"You know there was always a strong connection between my two selves. Even in a separated universe, I could share my life with him… I always let my mind open to him, always allowed him to share, in a way, my life with you."

"Yes", she whispered. It had always been a comforting thought for her, to know that the happiness she now had with her Doctor could somehow be shared by the other one, beyond all the barriers of the universes.

"But you, on the other hand, had no access to what he experienced, or only briefly", she added.

"That's because he was shielding his thoughts, to spare me all what he had to go through. He wanted me fully happy, fully with you, as the best part of our common life. But now that he's gone… it's as if my mind had become the repository of all his memories. And now the connection is broken. I'm my own self alone… like anyone else in the universe."

"He's gone...", he repeated on a hoarse, almost inaudible whisper. "And he didn't want to go."

Tears rolling down her cheeks, Rose took her husband in her arms and hugged him tight. She couldn't imagine what he must feel now. Even the loss of the closest, dearest twin brother could not give an idea of what that broken connexion had to feel like for him. And she was mourning too. The Doctor who still existed somewhere in another universe was not her Doctor anymore.

But in the middle of her sorrow and concern for her husband, she felt a ray of hope. The hope that for the new Doctor, she was no more than a distant memory, that the loss of her didn't make him suffer anymore.

And other comforting thoughst came to her, that she had to share with him.

"But as long as you remained yourself, even in that other universe, you found a way to get what you wanted the most, to share your life with me, through this life we have here."

"Yes", he said. "And that's why he hated so much to have to go."

"But the new Doctor doesn't feel that pain anymore. And you're still alive, my love. Still with me. Don't you see ? You found a way to win over regeneration itself. Among all your reincarnations, the one you're now sharing with me has been the only one that escaped from your endless changing. You will remain yourself, with me, for a whole human lifetime. And you will never, ever, be separated from me."

He smiled. As always, she had found the words that could ease his pain.

"You're right… as always", he said tenderly.

 **I wrote this just after seeing 'The End of Time', to cheer me up a little. The end of the episode was heartbreaking, with Ten saying good bye to all his friends and being all alone for his regeneration. He didn't want to go, and we didn't want him to either, did we ? Even if I came to appreciate a lot Matt Smith's interpretation of the Doctor (so funny, and so good at seeming young and very old in the same time), I miss David Tennant. I think he gave the Doctor a very warm and open personality, with strong feelings that made him particularly lovable. I'd like another episode with him and the current Doctor, such as 'The Day of the Doctor.'What about a meeting between Twelve and Tentoo ?**

 **Reviews would be nice !**


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